Peace
by snuggle the muggle
Summary: Bella thinks she has nothing to offer Edward, but he knows differently.


Here it is, my first piece of Twilight FanFiction. I have been writing Harry Potter FanFiction for about four years now, but I just read Twilight and New Moon this month, promptly fell in love (who can resist Edward?) and decided to give it a try. A plot bunny bit me soon afterward, and this is the result. Hopefully, you'll like it. Feel free to leave reviews – I love getting them.

PEACE 

"Well, I understand about the age thing, I guess. Although I have to say that it still doesn't matter to me. But there has to be more than that. Some real reason."

Bella shook her head and Edward laughed as he brushed her hair from his mouth. "That's the only reason."

"I just refuse to believe that."

They had been having one of their endless debates, which Bella had restricted to once a week, about why she wanted Edward to change her. Or at least why she wanted to be changed, whether by Carlise or Alice, or even Emmett if it came down to it, although the thought scared her a little bit. Although Edward had agreed just two months ago that he would change her after graduation and she had agreed to marry him then, he still kept trying to get her to change her mind. Which is why she had put her foot down and said she would only talk about it one night a week, Wednesdays; and since it was Wednesday, and she was tucked firmly in bed, with her head just under Edward's chin, it was time for what had become the most horrid discussion of the week for her. Oh, she loved his being there, his arms around her, holding her against him. But since that was pretty much how it was every night, even that bliss didn't offset the dread that she felt every Wednesday, thinking this would be the night he told her he refused to do it.

Bella spoke again. "Well, you're going to have to believe it, because there really is no other reason. I love you and you love me and we are going to be together forever and –"

"Exactly! We are going to be together forever, so why does it have to be so soon?" Edward had originally asked for her to wait five years, which was completely ridiculous in her opinion, and this was a frequent argument of his.

"It isn't that soon – we've known each other for over a year and by the time I graduate, it will be more like a year and a half. That's a long time."

"Not compared to eternity. Trust me on this."

"I trust you. But you need to trust me, too. There is no other reason." Bella swallowed hard, biting her tongue to keep from blurting out the actual reason why she wanted to be changed right away, wishing she was brave enough to really admit the truth.

Edward sighed heavily and kissed her hair. "You don't trust me, though, with your darkest secrets. Or you'd tell me." And then, he brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. Then he closed his eyes and Bella knew he was done talking for the night. But his eyes had held a look she hated, an expression of emptiness that scared her more than anything else.

"Edward?"

"Mmmm?" His voice was soft, sleepy, although she knew he wasn't actually even close to sleep.

"You're right." Bella felt him stiffen against her cheek and knew that it was time to be completely honest with him and if he . . . well, if he stopped loving her, then . . . She couldn't even finish the thought. It was too dreadful to think about.

"Right about there being some other reason?"

"Yes. There is. I just, I can't, it's hard to-" Bella turned her face into his chest, breathing in his heavenly scent, trying to find the words to say what she felt.

He didn't rush her, just stroked her hair softly for a few minutes. Bella felt tears welling in her eyes but she forced them down. Now wasn't the time for those.

"Did I ever tell you why my parents got divorced?" He shook his head. "My mother – I love her, but she's a free spirit of the worst kind. I mean, completely irresponsible about everything. She spent money like it was growing on a tree in the backyard when my dad hardly made anything. She didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't take care of me right, she just floated through life on a cloud." Bella took another deep breath. It was hard to admit, even when it was true, that your own parents weren't perfect. "Charlie, on the other hand, was a complete cop. He had budgets and schedules and expectations and she couldn't live like that. They were completely opposite of one another."

"Sometimes opposites attract, Bella. Look at us."

Bella pulled away from him in horror. "I know! That's what I'm saying!"

Edward's perfect forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What?"

"We're opposites!"

"Okay, I'm confused. I don't understand-"

"You're perfect. You're so handsome, and smart, and coordinated, and rich. And I'm so, well, not, any of those things. You have to keep rescuing me over and over again. I can't take care of myself in even the most mundane of situations. I'm plain, completely plain. I'm only averagely bright and-"

Edward's mouth closed over hers and Bella sighed into it, then let the tears she was holding back fall. After a moment, he lifted his head and pulled her close to him again. Before he could say anything, though, Bella finished what she was going to say. "I know that what attracted you to me is the scent of my blood. What if you stop liking that? What if you get sick of me? What if you get tired of having to rescue my klutzy, stupid self and just want, I don't know, someone that isn't me?"

They both lay still for a few moments, Bella trying not to sob too loudly while Edward didn't say anything. Finally, he said slowly, "So, you think I would stop loving you because you aren't perfect. And, if I change you, if I make you perfect, then I won't ever stop loving you. Is that what you think?" Bella nodded slowly into his chest, noting with some detached interest how her wet face clung to the smooth silk of the shirt he wore. "I see."

"I think, if I were you, I'd get awfully tired of me." Bella sighed, hiccoughed, and then rolled over in his arms so that she was facing the dark room and feeling his soft breath in her hair. For a long time, neither of them said anything. Edward's arms were as tight around her as they had been before, and his breathing was still even and regular, but Bella knew he was thinking.

"I suppose," Edward said after a while, "that I could spend the next three weeks trying to convince you that you aren't all those terrible things you said, although you are a bit of a klutz. And I could probably explain to you that although the scent of your blood attracts me, it is the love I have for you that keeps me from tasting it. And I could probably ask you what you would feel for me if I were suddenly not a vampire, by some miracle of fate, and was just a regular human. I could try a lot of different tactics to convince you I will never, ever get tired of you. But I won't."

"Okay." Bella sniffed. "So you think you might?"

"No, silly girl. I'll just tell you one of the things that makes you so marvelous. One of the many, many reasons I love you. I've already told you so many different reasons, but I've never told you this one." He took a deep breath and turned her to face him, one cool finger under her chin to raise her eyes to look into his.

"When I'm with you, I'm at peace." She must have looked confused, because Edward smiled. "I'll explain. If I'm ever with anyone, I have a constant barrage of their thoughts forcing themselves into my brain. I don't want to hear them, but there they are. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, lustful dreams, horrible fantasies, nightmares, everything. The human brain is never still, even in sleep. And because I never sleep, I can never get away from it. I had resigned myself to never having respite from it at all, and then I met you."

Bella started in some surprise and Edward pulled her close, letting her chin drop and tucking her against his chest again. "This quite beautiful, delicate-looking little creature stared at me across that crowded cafeteria, and I couldn't hear anything from her. There was just a complete void."

"You hated that, you said."

"I did at first, just because it scared me a bit. When you have done something for eighty plus years, it becomes expected." They both chuckled quietly. "But now, well, I enjoy the silence." She was about to protest, but he continued. "I know, sometimes I really do wish I knew what you were thinking, just because you have a very complicated mind, Bella Swan, and all boys wish they understood what their girlfriends were thinking, when they're being the most girlish and confusing."

"Girls aren't confusing," Bella said automatically, but Edward didn't laugh his usual sarcastic response to that.

"But when I'm here with you, just the two of us, all the noise and clutter and chaos fades into the background, and I can rest. It's as close to sleep as I can ever get. And it's been so many years, so many long years, since I've been able to rest. So many years." His voice sounded wistful in the darkness and Bella tightened her arms around him.

"So you love me?"

"You know I do. Now, sleep. And I'll rest, too. And then tomorrow, I can start convincing you how we aren't opposites in any of the ways that matter." Bella closed her eyes obediently and drifted to sleep, imagining herself as a vampire and she smiled.


End file.
